Dudebro Nation

LeNeve Wrote:I've been to wyoming. Thats the closest I've been to Canada.

I've been to Canada several times. Pretty much only Ontario, though.

uno regatto mr robotto

LeNeve Wrote:sweet. you can have a birthday party at the ice skating rink in laramie wyoming.
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That would be fun, except that I haven't been on ice skates since I was a kid.

JDubb Wrote:

LeNeve Wrote:I want to taze someone.

Can we taze you wearing your Mr. Roboto shop uniform?

yes, if you provide the suit, and give me 500 dollars.

LeNeve Wrote:

JDubb Wrote:

LeNeve Wrote:I want to taze someone.

Can we taze you wearing your Mr. Roboto shop uniform?

yes, if you provide the suit, and give me 500 dollars.

and just think, you could get drunk enough to think its a good idea for about $20

beckster aka Tatertits Wrote:

LeNeve Wrote:I've been to wyoming. Thats the closest I've been to Canada.

I've been to Canada several times. Pretty much only Ontario, though.

The big "O" Canadas orgasm.

drunk for 20 bucks. yeah, most likely. ad:

Derick Wrote:ONLY A MAN
WOULD ATTEMPT THIS


Just try reading this without laughing till you cry!!!


Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.

A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer.

The effects of the Tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety...??

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home... I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right?

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.

I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.

Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and Tazer in another.

The directions said that:

a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant;

a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; and

a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.


Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side so as to say, ' Don 't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it.

I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and...

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION. WHAT THE... !!!

I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs! The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note:
If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a Tazer,
one note of caution:

There is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor!
A three second burst would be considered conservative!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.

My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.
The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was.
My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching.
My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.
I had no control over the drooling.
Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for sure, and my sense of smell was gone.
I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, which I believe came from my hair.

PS: My wife can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift and now regularly threatens me with it!

If you think education is difficult, try being stupid!!!!

:roflmao:
Best story this week.

Brampton Wrote:So, I'm watching fast five again.......why can i never get tired of these terrible movies?

Imported from Canada

Because they are fun. :high5:

LeNeve Wrote:I actually did go skiing once with a church group about a year after I moved to Kansas. I was totally the best skier. Then I was showing off for the girls and tried to jump off a cliff. one of my skis hit a rock or something, and the ski popped off, then I fell off the cliff. Then while I was laying there dazed, the ski came down and hit me in the side of my head above my ear.

I barely remember being taken down the hill in that sled thing the ski patrol uses. I don't remember being in the hospital at all, My skull was fractured from my temple to the back of my ear. I seemed to regain full mental ability the last day we were there. Didn't even get laid. shittiest ski trip ever. I haven't been skiing since.

:eek:
:roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao:

beckster aka Tatertits Wrote:

Brampton Wrote:So, I'm watching fast five again.......why can i never get tired of these terrible movies?

Imported from Canada

Because they are fun. :high5:

My wife loves them, I can't watch them. I grab my iPad and start surfing or playing a stupid game.

LeNeve Wrote:I followed the google earth camera car around for about 20 minutes. :high5:

Then I was outside and it drove by the shop. I threw up a peace sign. Hope I'm on the google earth picstures now.

I have been playing with google earth a lot lately. I looked at the penguins in Antarctica this morning.

Don't taze me bro!! :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao:

I have cole slaw, and a hoagie sandwich from the deli. I'm thinking about putting the coleslaw on the sandwich. Maybe half the sandwich first, and try that.

LeNeve Wrote:I have cole slaw, and a hoagie sandwich from the deli. I'm thinking about putting the coleslaw on the sandwich. Maybe half the sandwich first, and try that.

Pete took Derick and I to a place in Pittsburgh that has coleslaw and french fries on a kick ass sandwich.