What do I do? Funerals.

[LeNeve]

My grandmother passed away last night, (its okay she was 90 and has been in a nursing home for the past 13 years). Although it's a little sad, I'm not real tore up about it, that is life.

This is also going to be a hard core catholic funeral. I'm not catholic, this was my step mothers mom (I've known her for 20 years though).

You might want to bring some sunglasses to the burial. took me a few funerals to learn that this was acceptable. Even if you weren't that close to the gramother you might end up shedding one unless your some stone cold tough guy. Shades are nice to have if you are a normal guy and you would feel weird about crying, especially in front of other people. Sometimes you just get caught up in the swoot vibe.

I will definately shed one. She was a really nice lady.

[Pete Nice]

What is the job of a pallbearer? Where do I sit in the church? Will they train me first? When you go to a wedding they train you on what to do at the rehearsal. Do they train you for a funeral?

All I did was carry the casket from the church to the hearst and the hearst to the grave sight.

[Pete Nice]

What kind of suit do you have?

I was a pallbearer for my grandmother funeral.

A dark suit and shoes should be fine, who cares what brand the other guys are wearing.

It does not have to be expensive. I just want something classy.

Can you borrow one?

I have a lot of expensive clothes, I like designer brands and shit like that. But my suits are all from Macy's and under $200. I don't wear them enough to spend $1k on them. I think you are overthinking this. Any decent fitting dark suit is fine. If people judge the brand you are wearing at a funeral then fuck them.

[Pete Nice]

Okay. Ive been reading. What if I drop the casket? I hate this type of high pressure situation. I always choke when everyone is watching me.

There are probably going to be 8 guys, 4 on each side, you won't drop it. I slipped on ice when I was doing it and dropped to a knee and nothing happened, so don't stress yourself over it.

[LeNeve]

Okay. Ive been reading. What if I drop the casket? I hate this type of high pressure situation. I always choke when everyone is watching me.

There are probably going to be 8 guys, 4 on each side, you won't drop it. I slipped on ice when I was doing it and dropped to a knee and nothing happened, so don't stress yourself over it.

If I slipped that would bother me for the rest of my life.

[LeNeve]

What kind of suit do you have?

I was a pallbearer for my grandmother funeral.

A dark suit and shoes should be fine, who cares what brand the other guys are wearing.

It does not have to be expensive. I just want something classy.

Can you borrow one?

I have a lot of expensive clothes, I like designer brands and shit like that. But my suits are all from Macy's and under $200. I don't wear them enough to spend $1k on them. I think you are overthinking this. Any decent fitting dark suit is fine. If people judge the brand you are wearing at a funeral then fuck them.

My Dad said I can borrow one from him. I am 5'11" he is 6'1" He is basically the same build as me too. That might work.

[Pete Nice]

Okay. Ive been reading. What if I drop the casket? I hate this type of high pressure situation. I always choke when everyone is watching me.

There are probably going to be 8 guys, 4 on each side, you won't drop it. I slipped on ice when I was doing it and dropped to a knee and nothing happened, so don't stress yourself over it.

If I slipped that would bother me for the rest of my life.

It won't be icy, so I doubt you have anything to worry about.

On the other hand, I had off and on knee pains for like 4 years after that.

[LeNeve]

I decided that I'm a little more sad about this, than I was earlier. I have siblings that are in between junior high and high school, and this is the first family funeral that they have experienced. They are very sad, very sad. This was the only grand parent that they ever knew. I feel really bad for them. I am also feeling bad now. Better to get it all out now than make a scene at the funeral though.

I'm kind of surprised that I am feeling this way. I'm usually not like this.

[i bleed green]

You might want to bring some sunglasses to the burial. took me a few funerals to learn that this was acceptable. Even if you weren't that close to the gramother you might end up shedding one unless your some stone cold tough guy. Shades are nice to have if you are a normal guy and you would feel weird about crying, especially in front of other people. Sometimes you just get caught up in the swoot vibe.

+1 I've been at a funeral where I can honestly say I was glad to see that person dead,and found myself really bummed out for a second until I rememebered that I don't care about it at all.

[Beckster]

That sucks LeNeve.. It's never easy.

Now, Catholic funerals will go on for 2 or 3 days depending on the final wishes. Visitation is where people show up throughout the day to pay their respects. The Wake is a small prayer service held (usually for those who can't make it to the actual funeral).. My favorite part about Wakes are the stories/memories that people share about the deceased. The actual funeral is a more detailed service with readings and whatnot followed by a drive to the cemetery. You'll be told what to do, like everyone said, It's fairly simple. The coffin sits on a cart... you and several others lift it off the cart to the hearse, then off the hearse to the grave.

Dark-colored clothes. Pants, not jeans and hide some tissue in a pocket, just in case.

[Iva13]

LeNeve I'm so sorry to hear about your Grandmom...that's very sad. No matter how old or young, sick or not, expected or unexpected, when your loved one actually dies it is very difficult and so many emotions to deal with. Just know I'm thinking of you and your family.
Also if the pants are a little long you can get special tape and just "hem" them. You'll be fine.

[Chip]

I decided that I'm a little more sad about this, than I was earlier. I have siblings that are in between junior high and high school, and this is the first family funeral that they have experienced. They are very sad, very sad. This was the only grand parent that they ever knew. I feel really bad for them. I am also feeling bad now. Better to get it all out now than make a scene at the funeral though.

I'm kind of surprised that I am feeling this way. I'm usually not like this.

Sorry to hear that. My last grandparent, my grandma passed away a couple weeks ago.
I was a palbearer there, and at one other funeral a few years ago.
Here, it was me, my brother, and 4 of my cousins, just the 6 of us. It's really not hard.
My grandma was catholic. There was one day at the funeral home, then the service the next day. And a few days later we put her ashes next to my grandpa's grave.
I just had to get to the church 15, 30 minutes early and the funeral director gave all the bearers a run down of what was going to happen.
It's really not complicated, it's not like standing up in a wedding. You carry the casket in before, and then out at the end. And you're not really part of the actual service.
All we did was cary it from the hearse to a cart in the back of the church, where my mom and her siblings pushed it in during the service. Then after the service we carried it from the cart back to the hearse.

[negadave]

I decided that I'm a little more sad about this, than I was earlier. I have siblings that are in between junior high and high school, and this is the first family funeral that they have experienced. They are very sad, very sad. This was the only grand parent that they ever knew. I feel really bad for them. I am also feeling bad now. Better to get it all out now than make a scene at the funeral though.

I'm kind of surprised that I am feeling this way. I'm usually not like this.

Forgot to say it before, but sorry about your loss bro.
It's sad to see your friends and family sad.
I don't know your views on it, but for me i try to look at it as she's going to a better place to reunite with her loved ones that have passed. I know it's still sad. I'm not Really religious but i do belive there is something more after you die.

[Joe]

I decided that I'm a little more sad about this, than I was earlier. I have siblings that are in between junior high and high school, and this is the first family funeral that they have experienced. They are very sad, very sad. This was the only grand parent that they ever knew. I feel really bad for them. I am also feeling bad now. Better to get it all out now than make a scene at the funeral though.

I'm kind of surprised that I am feeling this way. I'm usually not like this.

I'm very sorry about your loss.

I'm usually pretty emotionless, but during family funerals I usually just lose it. I usually feel pretty foolish for crying in front of others until I notice that all of the others are crying too.

[mongo]

HAving done this several times, The funeral directors always guide you. Just follow their lead.

Although I may very well be a day late and a dollar short with the info... :duh:

In any case my condolences are of the order.

Be strong you will do just fine.