Buckles on your shoes/friend in need

[negadave]

Gotta ask the dudebro's
Would you ever get into a relationship with a girl your not attracted to just because all the other factors are there?
How old is too long to stay single and keep holding out for that perfect girl?

I'm in this situation now where my job tanked, my finances are fucked, my mom got divorced, moved out, couldn't afford her rent and convinced me to move in with her. Definate downgrade in my life. Where i'm at i'm not at my full potential, so i don't have the things i'd need to get the caliber chick i'd like to.

I've been chilling with this girl recently. We got mutual friends and i've known her for like 14 years. I hit it back in the day and a few times in between after way too many :beer: . She's definatly a nuskie i don't find her attracted at all, in fact never even been to the jazz cafe' with her. Got like a block away, but never made it.

I've been half ass thinking of dating this girl because all the other qualitys are there. She would do anything for me. She's a super nice and giving person. Too nice sometimes to the point people take advantage. She just graduated and has a good ($) job as a nurse. She's not a shady lying type of girl. She'd be loyal. She's got a sweet appartment i just helped her move into. We're into the same stuff so we have good conversation. She doesn't want kids or mariage right now......

I haven't really loved a chick since i broke up with my first long term serious girl years ago. I've broken up with 2 quality girls with no faults in the past cause i wasn't feeling that real connection. I think i was just too trusting in the beginning and since getting wise to nussie games i'll never look at things the same.

I'm 30 now. Should i just say fuck it, looks good on paper, or am i setting myself up for disaster?

:blahblah: :thanks:

[Hondo]

am i setting myself up for disaster?

Absolutely, positively YES

Do NOT be a Pilgrim here. I think you are FAR better off waiting to find someone who really clicks with you...no matter how long it takes. The only thing you guarantee yourself if you get tied down to a woman who doesn't trip your trigger is constant unhappiness. People who think they are perfect for each other still fail at marriage at better than a 50% ratio.

Don't do it man. Chill and it will come to you.

[Joe]

I dumped a few really awesome girls in my late 20s because I wasn't completely attracted to them. After a few failed relationships approaching 30 years old I regretted the shit out of it. Fast forward to today and I'm with a girl that's cool and who I find very attractive. Looking back I know I made the right decision to not settle. In fact I know the attraction thing would have gotten to me and I would have strung them along and only hurt them worse later on. Plus if it hasn't been a good idea for the past 14 years that's got to tell you something.

I don't have many people in my life that I've been friends with for 14 years and if I did I'd really value their friendship. So if you wind up breaking this girl's heart you gotta know that your friendship is probably going to be over as well.

[Beckster]

She's definatly a nuskie i don't find her attracted at all........

I've been half ass thinking of dating this girl because all the other qualitys are there. She would do anything for me. She's a super nice and giving person. Too nice sometimes to the point people take advantage. She just graduated and has a good ($) job as a nurse. She's not a shady lying type of girl. She'd be loyal. She's got a sweet appartment i just helped her move into. We're into the same stuff so we have good conversation. She doesn't want kids or mariage right now......

Ok, so you'd rather be one of those people who are going to take advantage of this girl because she's nice??? Um, no. Horrible idea. You would hate yourself and the guilt would hang over you. Not to mention that if you are not attracted to her, you will never feel satisfied in the relationship. Why do that to her? Why do that to yourself???

You need to hold out for someone that you can be happy with on all levels. Someone that you'd be willing to take out and hang with your friends with. Some one that you can hook up with even while you are sober.

[negadave]

I know it's a bad idea. I was kinda hoping somebody would say I should do it.
I kinda gave up on waiting for that fairytail chick flick true love bs.
If you keep waiting for somebody that's perfect you could be waiting for the rest of your life.
I don't think it's gonna go anywhere but she keeps hitting me up to hang out and I can't give myself any good reasons not to.
If you take emotions out of it, it would totally benifit me to get together with this girl.
I'm supposed to chill with her tonight. Sounds shitty, I know but I feel like I can benifit from it. My life is in a super slump right now and I feel like getting somebody on my team who can give some moral support would be exactly what I need to get back on track

[Hondo]

You just need to get wildly fucked by a couple of teenage girls. That's a much better answer.

Nobody can "get you back on track" except you my friend. Get busy livin'..or get busy dyin'.

[Beckster]

I know it's a bad idea. I was kinda hoping somebody would say I should do it.
I kinda gave up on waiting for that fairytail chick flick true love bs.
If you keep waiting for somebody that's perfect you could be waiting for the rest of your life.
I don't think it's gonna go anywhere but she keeps hitting me up to hang out and I can't give myself any good reasons not to.
If you take emotions out of it, it would totally benifit me to get together with this girl.
I'm supposed to chill with her tonight. Sounds shitty, I know but I feel like I can benifit from it. My life is in a super slump right now and I feel like getting somebody on my team who can give some moral support would be exactly what I need to get back on track

There's nothing wrong with being friends. You've already said she's a cool girl to be friends with. Only pursue it if you sincerely find her attractive, otherwise leave it. Good friends last longer anyway and if she's willing to be such a good supportive friend, it sounds like you need that more than a gf. When you feel better about yourself and more secure in your situation, then you'll be in a better place to pursue a romance with whoever.

[JDubb]

Don't do it bro. Keep looking, she's out there. My buddy is in his early 40's and just found the one for him. He dated plenty of hot checks, grenades and strippers along the way. Found this one and couldn't be happier.

Don't settle...

[Joe]

Start off with a few random 5's and work your way up.

[negadave]

Should have listened to you guys. I'm already knee deep in it.I'm already working on an exit strategy.
Chilled a bunch of times, her and her girlfriends took me out for drinks for my birthday on friday. At the end of the night i laid it out for her, better to just be friends, don't get too attached and expect anything. She cried. Next day, in one ear and right out the other. I just stayed over there last night. :?

[Beckster]

Should have listened to you guys. I'm already knee deep in it.I'm already working on an exit strategy.
Chilled a bunch of times, her and her girlfriends took me out for drinks for my birthday on friday. At the end of the night i laid it out for her, better to just be friends, don't get too attached and expect anything. She cried. Next day, in one ear and right out the other. I just stayed over there last night. :?

Lesson learned?

[negadave]

Should have listened to you guys. I'm already knee deep in it.I'm already working on an exit strategy.
Chilled a bunch of times, her and her girlfriends took me out for drinks for my birthday on friday. At the end of the night i laid it out for her, better to just be friends, don't get too attached and expect anything. She cried. Next day, in one ear and right out the other. I just stayed over there last night. :?

Lesson learned?

ad: I think i already knew this one.. if you start hooking up with a girl that claims she's cool with just being friends, never believe it??

[Beckster]

Should have listened to you guys. I'm already knee deep in it.I'm already working on an exit strategy.
Chilled a bunch of times, her and her girlfriends took me out for drinks for my birthday on friday. At the end of the night i laid it out for her, better to just be friends, don't get too attached and expect anything. She cried. Next day, in one ear and right out the other. I just stayed over there last night. :?

Lesson learned?

ad: I think i already knew this one.. if you start hooking up with a girl that claims she's cool with just being friends, never believe it??

Don't cross the friend zone, cause there's no going back!

[cody]

It sucked being a Pilgrim back in the day and it sucks being a pilgrim now! They didn't even have fucking shoe laces! SHOE LACES!
I have a buddy who settled and actually advised me to settle (I think to make him feel better about himself, plus all he does is bitch about the women he's with and you will too!). NEVER! It's not fair to you and it's not fair to the girl because you're taking yourselves both out of the game and limiting your odds for long term happiness for a short term gain. Especially if you're not feeling a good connection with her. You'll bounce back and when it finally all comes together you'll be happy you didn't jump the gun and settle.
That doesn't mean she has to stop blowing you or anything, if she's doing that....you shouldn't tell her to stop or anything.
:rock: Good Luck Homie.

[cody]

It sucked being a Pilgrim back in the day and it sucks being a pilgrim now! They didn't even have fucking shoe laces! SHOE LACES!
I have a buddy who settled and actually advised me to settle (I think to make him feel better about himself, plus all he does is bitch about the women he's with and you will too!). NEVER! It's not fair to you and it's not fair to the girl because you're taking yourselves both out of the game and limiting your odds for long term happiness for a short term gain. Especially if you're not feeling a good connection with her. You'll bounce back and when it finally all comes together you'll be happy you didn't jump the gun and settle.
That doesn't mean she has to stop blowing you or anything, if she's doing that....you shouldn't tell her to stop or anything.
:rock: Good Luck Homie.