The Worst Party Ever.
07-08-2013, 11:28 AM
So here goes the story of the worst party ever.
11:30 Saturday morning my friend Bob texts me and tells me he's on his way over and wants to know if I need anything else. I let him know I'm heading to the store and he's like "Your party starts in a half hour." I actually thought it started at 2. Immediately after I get texts from a bunch of other people telling me they are on their way. I race to the store and for some reason there’s a shit load of traffic so it takes like an hour.
I get home from the store and I have a ton of people there and I'm only half setup. I'm still 2 hours behind on my setup. There's no music and no food ready. I fire up the grill and start cooking while setting up the audio outside and trying to run the blender to make drinks. I look for Stacy and my mom to help, but they are preparing the salads people dropped off and making their own as well. It’s got to be like 140 degrees in front of the grill where I’m cooking.
So while I’m running around like a nut I notice my friend’s kids are constantly in my way standing in the doorway to my house. I swear it was like they were doing laps through the house and running in and out. I passed the one kid like 9 times in 30 minutes so I stopped him and one of the girls and told them the party is outside and they need to stay out there unless they are using the bathroom. Right after that I stopped my friend Kyle and told him I had to tell his kids to stop running in and out. Not even 10 minute later I see the kid going out my front door which he left open. I tell him to stay outside once again. Frankly I was also pissed that most of my family was hanging out in the living room the whole time. It was a BBQ, not a house party.
Shortly after someone started shooting off fireworks in the driveway and the dog got scared and pissed in the hallway. I was the only one who noticed it so I grabbed the shampooer and started cleaning the carpet. Stacy comes over to help and takes the piss filled container to dump it and rinse it out. On her way she gets bumped and the container goes all over the kitchen. In the middle of cleaning it up someone starts fucking with the blender and she stops cleaning to see what’s going on. I come out and see the piss and water all over the place and have a meltdown. She tells me she’s trying to help someone with the blender and I was like “Fuck them and their drinks!” “My kitchen is covered in piss right now!” I didn’t realize it was her friend that wanted and a drink and the friend was still standing right there. Oops….
I do outside and sit down for a minute and my neighbor's kind of unruly 3 year old grabs a beer from the cooler and starts to take off with it. My buddy yells over at him to put it back and he starts crying. My neighbor comes over and gives my friend shit for upsetting her kid. He says "I didn't want him drinking a beer." She responds, "He's only 3, he doesn't know any better." His response was rather classic with a "He knows now." I thought that was funny, but I did have to go to the neighbor and apologize.
So as soon as I put the Shampooer away a drink was spilled on my living room floor. My brother cleaned that up. Less than 30 minutes after the drink spill on the floor someone tells me a full soda was spilled on the sofa and covered up with a blanket. (Which someone sat in) My brother walked outside to smoke, but told me who was sitting on the sofa when he got up. It was the two kids who I kept telling to stay outside. While I’m standing there ready to explode Stacy tells me the same two kids were fucking with the dogs and she had to put the dogs in the bedroom. She said he was being intentionally rough and it sounded to me like the kid was going to try to go all Dexter on my dogs. (My dog would have taken his face off)
I hauled ass out the back door and cut off the music and told everyone to stop what they were doing. I turned to the two who I was certain spilled and covered up the drink and asked them in a yelling fashion) what happened. They played dumb so I asked everyone else. None of the kids new anything. 15 fucking minutes later I see my friends kid coming out of my house again and I yell at him and tell him to stay out of the house. I think that's when people got pissed at me.
After all of the commotion I run inside and take a shower and change my clothes. I come back outside refreshed and ready to hang out. It wasn’t long before I started hearing people talking about me yelling at their kids. No one had said a word to me though. When Stacy finally told he she heard my friend’s girlfriend was pissed at me I walked over to her table, pulled up a chair and sat directly in front of her and asked her what her problem was. Her and I argued a little bit and I apologized to keep the peace. As soon as I stood up my friend comes over to me and says if the bullshit doesn’t stop he’s leaving. I’m not really one for threats so if you threaten to leave I’m going to send you home. Once I told him if he can't watch his own kids than I wanted him to leave the shit got ugly. His brother came over and told he how pissed he was too and I tried to be calm at first, but I don’t like being teamed up on either so I went off on both of them and told them to get the fuck out.
My brother, who had no idea what was happening sees them leaving and asked why they were leaving so early. They turn to him and tell him that it’s my whole family’s fault and pretty much told him to fuck off. When my brother tries to calm them down and get them to stay they get in his face and once he got pissed and got in their face that’s when I heard all the yelling. I had to jump in and stop shit from getting violent, but by then I was ready to start swinging.
I started to calm down a bit as they were getting into their cars and one guy had to throw in a “Fuck you Asshole” and that shit set me off. I ran over to him while he was getting into his truck and my brother ran over as well. Then we had women trying to hold us back from throwing punches. He put his truck in drive and drove off with his family (Drunk) His brother (who’s girl started the shit) took off right after him. One of them called me 15 minutes after and told me they left a tablet at my house and were coming back to pick it up. To avoid more fights I met them out on the street and gave them their stuff back. I tried to talk to them, but they wouldn’t let me talk so I turned around and walked away.
I get back to the house and my sister is upset and somehow that causes her doucebag boyfriend to fight with her. My brother’s girlfriend gets sick and people have to make sure she’s still breathing. My sister’s kids are crying because they hate their father and then somehow my father got sick. This was all within the same hour as the fight and it was only 5PM!!
So in the middle of all the fighting, my coworkers, neighbors and Stacy’s friends left. I was completely embarrassed and I felt terrible because not only was it my regular party, but I had a cake for Stacy’s birthday and I never even get a chance to bring it out and give it to her.
At 5:30 another coworker pulls up with his wife and 4 kids. By then the place cleared out and the only people left were in the house crying and throwing up and shit. In the most awkward attempt ever I sat with this guy and his family while they ate. Luckily they bounced after about 45 minutes.
I spent the rest of the night on a chair in the back yard by myself until my dad came out and watched the race with me.
I don’t know that I’ll ever do another party again.
11:30 Saturday morning my friend Bob texts me and tells me he's on his way over and wants to know if I need anything else. I let him know I'm heading to the store and he's like "Your party starts in a half hour." I actually thought it started at 2. Immediately after I get texts from a bunch of other people telling me they are on their way. I race to the store and for some reason there’s a shit load of traffic so it takes like an hour.
I get home from the store and I have a ton of people there and I'm only half setup. I'm still 2 hours behind on my setup. There's no music and no food ready. I fire up the grill and start cooking while setting up the audio outside and trying to run the blender to make drinks. I look for Stacy and my mom to help, but they are preparing the salads people dropped off and making their own as well. It’s got to be like 140 degrees in front of the grill where I’m cooking.
So while I’m running around like a nut I notice my friend’s kids are constantly in my way standing in the doorway to my house. I swear it was like they were doing laps through the house and running in and out. I passed the one kid like 9 times in 30 minutes so I stopped him and one of the girls and told them the party is outside and they need to stay out there unless they are using the bathroom. Right after that I stopped my friend Kyle and told him I had to tell his kids to stop running in and out. Not even 10 minute later I see the kid going out my front door which he left open. I tell him to stay outside once again. Frankly I was also pissed that most of my family was hanging out in the living room the whole time. It was a BBQ, not a house party.
Shortly after someone started shooting off fireworks in the driveway and the dog got scared and pissed in the hallway. I was the only one who noticed it so I grabbed the shampooer and started cleaning the carpet. Stacy comes over to help and takes the piss filled container to dump it and rinse it out. On her way she gets bumped and the container goes all over the kitchen. In the middle of cleaning it up someone starts fucking with the blender and she stops cleaning to see what’s going on. I come out and see the piss and water all over the place and have a meltdown. She tells me she’s trying to help someone with the blender and I was like “Fuck them and their drinks!” “My kitchen is covered in piss right now!” I didn’t realize it was her friend that wanted and a drink and the friend was still standing right there. Oops….
I do outside and sit down for a minute and my neighbor's kind of unruly 3 year old grabs a beer from the cooler and starts to take off with it. My buddy yells over at him to put it back and he starts crying. My neighbor comes over and gives my friend shit for upsetting her kid. He says "I didn't want him drinking a beer." She responds, "He's only 3, he doesn't know any better." His response was rather classic with a "He knows now." I thought that was funny, but I did have to go to the neighbor and apologize.
So as soon as I put the Shampooer away a drink was spilled on my living room floor. My brother cleaned that up. Less than 30 minutes after the drink spill on the floor someone tells me a full soda was spilled on the sofa and covered up with a blanket. (Which someone sat in) My brother walked outside to smoke, but told me who was sitting on the sofa when he got up. It was the two kids who I kept telling to stay outside. While I’m standing there ready to explode Stacy tells me the same two kids were fucking with the dogs and she had to put the dogs in the bedroom. She said he was being intentionally rough and it sounded to me like the kid was going to try to go all Dexter on my dogs. (My dog would have taken his face off)
I hauled ass out the back door and cut off the music and told everyone to stop what they were doing. I turned to the two who I was certain spilled and covered up the drink and asked them in a yelling fashion) what happened. They played dumb so I asked everyone else. None of the kids new anything. 15 fucking minutes later I see my friends kid coming out of my house again and I yell at him and tell him to stay out of the house. I think that's when people got pissed at me.
After all of the commotion I run inside and take a shower and change my clothes. I come back outside refreshed and ready to hang out. It wasn’t long before I started hearing people talking about me yelling at their kids. No one had said a word to me though. When Stacy finally told he she heard my friend’s girlfriend was pissed at me I walked over to her table, pulled up a chair and sat directly in front of her and asked her what her problem was. Her and I argued a little bit and I apologized to keep the peace. As soon as I stood up my friend comes over to me and says if the bullshit doesn’t stop he’s leaving. I’m not really one for threats so if you threaten to leave I’m going to send you home. Once I told him if he can't watch his own kids than I wanted him to leave the shit got ugly. His brother came over and told he how pissed he was too and I tried to be calm at first, but I don’t like being teamed up on either so I went off on both of them and told them to get the fuck out.
My brother, who had no idea what was happening sees them leaving and asked why they were leaving so early. They turn to him and tell him that it’s my whole family’s fault and pretty much told him to fuck off. When my brother tries to calm them down and get them to stay they get in his face and once he got pissed and got in their face that’s when I heard all the yelling. I had to jump in and stop shit from getting violent, but by then I was ready to start swinging.
I started to calm down a bit as they were getting into their cars and one guy had to throw in a “Fuck you Asshole” and that shit set me off. I ran over to him while he was getting into his truck and my brother ran over as well. Then we had women trying to hold us back from throwing punches. He put his truck in drive and drove off with his family (Drunk) His brother (who’s girl started the shit) took off right after him. One of them called me 15 minutes after and told me they left a tablet at my house and were coming back to pick it up. To avoid more fights I met them out on the street and gave them their stuff back. I tried to talk to them, but they wouldn’t let me talk so I turned around and walked away.
I get back to the house and my sister is upset and somehow that causes her doucebag boyfriend to fight with her. My brother’s girlfriend gets sick and people have to make sure she’s still breathing. My sister’s kids are crying because they hate their father and then somehow my father got sick. This was all within the same hour as the fight and it was only 5PM!!
So in the middle of all the fighting, my coworkers, neighbors and Stacy’s friends left. I was completely embarrassed and I felt terrible because not only was it my regular party, but I had a cake for Stacy’s birthday and I never even get a chance to bring it out and give it to her.
At 5:30 another coworker pulls up with his wife and 4 kids. By then the place cleared out and the only people left were in the house crying and throwing up and shit. In the most awkward attempt ever I sat with this guy and his family while they ate. Luckily they bounced after about 45 minutes.
I spent the rest of the night on a chair in the back yard by myself until my dad came out and watched the race with me.
I don’t know that I’ll ever do another party again.
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